Individual and Social Changes:

What Parents Can Expect: On Your Mark!

Picture a typical day of middle school. Middle schoolers get up early, spend time getting their clothes and hair just right, eat breakfast, grab their school bag, and get themselves to the bus. Once at school, they walk through the halls buzzing with their peers, go to their locker, and finally make it to the first class of the day. All these “high-stakes” activities have taken place and it’s only 7:30 am! Yes, middle schoolers are focused on getting to class on time and doing well in school. But, they also focus on how they look that day, whether their friend is still upset, who that cute boy or girl in math class is and how they will find time to study for the next day’s science test after soccer practice that evening. As you can see, middle school is about so much more than academics!

Middle school is a great time to build on existing skills, explore new activities and develop new areas of interest. Encourage your teen to try new things and do all you can to support them. They are likely to experiment a bit with an expanded choice of activities; some of which may stick and others may not. Your teen will need your help and guidance in managing their time. Nobody really enjoys being over involved to the point that it compromises his or her ability to have fun and do well.

Self-esteem is very important during middle school and has a big impact on how a young person does academically and socially. Teens with a high self-esteem generally feel good, have effective coping skills, and speak up to advocate for themselves with teachers and friends. Middle schoolers’ self-esteem is composed of how much they like themselves and whether they believe they are capable of doing well, especially in areas they consider important. Most of us develop a sense of worth from our physical appearance, intellectual abilities, skills, capabilities, and beliefs about being loved and respected as a good person. Be aware that your teen is especially tuned into these things during middle school. They may be especially vulnerable to blows in their self-esteem because of all the changes they are experiencing at one time.

What Parents Need to Know: Get Set!

Teens with a high self-esteem are more likely to be successful, take responsibility, set boundaries, be thoughtful of others, set goals, maintain personal integrity, and accept their failures as something to work on as opposed to something out of their control. For all of these reasons and more, it is important to protect and build up your teen’s self-esteem as they enter the teen years. Since self-esteem is related to developing competencies, you can focus on helping your middle schooler gain experience, build knowledge, and develop skills. Help your teen find activities he or she enjoys and encourage him or her to play to their strengths. Talk to your middle schooler about why she likes certain activities. Think about what motivates your teen. Being motivated by their own internal goals and interests is far more beneficial than being motivated by external rewards. Teens who enjoy an activity are more likely to stay with it, and become better at it. This creates an important cycle of success because a teen that feels competent and accomplished in one area, develops a positive sense of self that is likely to spill over into other areas. In other words, you may have a soccer star who feels powerful and competent on the field, or a musician who feels accomplished on the piano. Even if science class is a struggle, having a positive sense of self on the field or in the music room will likely translate into positive beliefs about their abilities in the classroom. When a young person tastes success in one area, they are more likely to push themselves to succeed in others.

Extracurricular activities such as: sports, performing arts, yearbook, and student government can help teens build new skills and positive beliefs in their abilities. Participating in such activities exposes middle schoolers to schedules, rules, competition, and conflict management skills that are different from the classroom. Young people who participate in different activities have the opportunity to socialize with adults and different groups of peers. These settings offer opportunities for them to explore new interests and achieve different goals, which helps them establish a more positive attitude toward school. Keeping active can help keep your teen stay busy during the peak hours when parents are working and teens have unsupervised time to engage in high-risk activities.

What Parents Can Do: Go!

• Think about a typical day for your teen. Be empathetic to the range of events, situations, and responsibilities they encounter in a given day.
• Remember that responding to these demands can be an emotional experience for your teen. Give them some time to decompress when they get home.
• Help them feel comfortable in their skin. Work with them to find appropriate ways to express their individual style. Within reason, be open to hairstyles and clothing choices that make your teen feel good.
• Emphasize their strengths and teach independence. Those who believe they have control over their environment have higher self-esteem and more competencies.
• Have your teen think about the attributes he or she values in a friend. Emphasize that others value similar qualities in them. If they get stuck, give some examples of what you like in a friend, such as: “They are nice,” “I can tell them anything,” or “They are fun to be with.”
• Allow them to try on new activities. Offer to help them and attend events whenever possible.
• Help your middle schooler find the balance between school and activities. Develop schedules and provide guidance so that they do not become overly stressed.