Middle School Challenges

What Parents Can Expect: On Your Mark!

Parents can expect some ups and downs in middle school. While there are sure to be some bumps along the way, most problems can be managed with effective parent-student-school communication. Make an effort to talk with your teen and collaborate with teachers and staff to facilitate coordinated and thoughtful strategizing.

In today’s world, it is common for students to complain about stress. If your young teenager feels stressed, then something needs to change. Middle school students describe the key sources of stress as the pressure to achieve at school, juggling demands from people and activities, handling social pressures, and meeting parental expectations. Parents need to be a source of support, not an additional stressor. It is appropriate and important to have high expectations. In fact, it is helpful for teens to see that you expect them to stretch themselves and work hard. But, this needs to be tempered with realism and understanding as to how your expectations impact your teenager.

What Parents Need to Know: Get Set!

Establishing parent-student-school communication requires effort on the part of parents. Introduce yourself to teachers and let them know you are invested in your teen’s education. Teachers feel supported when they know you are available to talk and assist at any time. Work with your teen to address issues that may arise, identifying resources and getting help from the school when necessary.

There are several ways you can help teens address, respond to, and minimize stress. Parents can teach coping mechanisms to teens by coaching them through problems, helping them find their own support systems, and supporting them in meeting their goals. Parents also help by making home a safe environment for open discussion. Parents are best suited to provide support and mitigate stress when they listen and act as a trusted confidant to their teen. Try to express an attitude that demonstrates that you are on your teenager’s side. You don’t want this dialogue to become a contest of wills.

Sometimes young teens get off to a challenging start, or fail to thrive in middle school. It is important to diagnose what is behind the problem and act accordingly. Keep in mind that no middle schooler wants to fail. Some problems can be addressed at a parent-student-teacher level. For example, many schools have programs to help your teen get organized. Other problems are more serious and require professional help. Let’s review some of the issues that may require outside help.

• Difficulty accepting authority: School settings require adherence to rules and routine, which works against the temperament of some teens. These teens may resist authority in school, even when it is self-defeating.
• Learning disabilities, ADD, and ADHD: Learning disabilities can crop up in secondary school. Teens who previously coped in spite of unrecognized disabilities may find middle school more challenging.
• Peer rejection: Teenagers who are different from the norm can be treated cruelly. Being labeled as a “loser” or “outsider” can result in teens that withdraw and choose not to engage or compete.
• Negative influence from peers: Since teens tend to engage in similar activities as their peers, hanging out with those who check out of school can have a negative impact on school engagement. While it may be difficult to discern whether the disillusionment with school or the friends who share this feeling comes first, we know that young people seek support from those with similar approaches to school.
• Family stress: Family problems impact everyone in the family. Even when parents try to shield their children from burdens, issues of abuse, alcohol and drug problems, marital, and financial problems can impact teens

You can be pretty sure that the professionals at your school have faced all the issues in the book. Most likely, they will know what to do, or who to contact for additional help. Talking to your child’s teacher, team leader, or school counselor is usually the best place to start. Together, you, your child, school staff, and other professionals can decipher the sources of the problem and develop strategies to get your teen back on track.

What Parents Can Do: Go!

• Address problems in school, academic or otherwise. Speak with the teacher and/or call the school counselor to discuss issues early.
• Whenever possible, let your teenager take the initiative and be in charge of problem solving.
• Hold your teen accountable to follow through with agreed-upon goals. Implement consequences if your teen doesn’t deliver.
• Avoid monitoring or policing your teen’s schoolwork. Manage this in conjunction with teachers, counselors or others from the school. Weekly progress reports can help facilitate communication and give your student the appropriate amount of supervision and accountability.
• Consider getting your child a tutor to facilitate learning. Incorporating another voice and new teaching methods with one-on-one instruction may be all that is needed.
• Encourage your teen to talk to teachers and counselors about their needs. Participating in a peer support group can normalize experiences and provide additional guidance and support.

Summary

Middle school is an all-encompassing time of life for young teenagers. It is a time when their physical and cognitive changes collide with an unprecedented explosion of social changes. While the academics involved in middle school are by no means of secondary importance, they do take place in an atmosphere charged with many other important changes. Parents and caregivers can best support middle school youngsters by understanding these dynamics so they can support their teen in developing a broad range of interests and finding a happy and healthy balance that sets them up to flourish in the school environment and world around them.

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