How Parenting Changes

Nancy always had a particularly close and comfortable relationship with her son Todd. He was a likable boy, in part because he was very athletic and had lots of enthusiastic and joyful energy. In their town, junior high started in 7th grade. As Nancy began to prepare for this big transition, she was determined to maintain the close relationship she had with Todd. To her surprise, the ride was much more bumpy than she ever imagined it would be.

Within the first week of junior high Todd was immersed in a social scene that had Nancy’s head spinning. He wanted to go to the home of a new friend who had attended a different elementary school. Since Nancy had not met the parents, she felt uneasy giving permission. Todd was so insistent that she caved in. Todd made the soccer team, and attended practice every day after school. When she picked him up from practice, he was hungry, dirty, tired, and very short-tempered. Homework at night became a battleground for all these reasons. Plus, Todd was finding the demands of middle school to be quite a stretch for him. In time, Nancy learned that he had failed the first two math quizzes and was barely keeping his head above water in school. Still, Todd seemed determined not to tell her about it.

Nancy was confused, disappointed, and worried. She realized that she wasn’t at all sure how she was expected to parent a 7th grader: Should she review Todd’s homework every night? Should she keep track of his calendar of school assignments? Should she allow Todd to go to a friend’s house if she doesn’t know the parents? Should she make him quit the soccer team if his grades were low? She was unsure about all of this, and wondered where her previously charming and communicative son had gone.

Not all middle school aged children change as quickly and dramatically as Todd, or face as many challenges piled on at one time. While Todd’s speed of change isn’t uncommon, it also isn’t always a negative experience. Many young teens, such as the ones shown in the video, find middle school to be a natural and exciting next step. Ready or not, this is a dynamic time for your child and your family, and one of the best things you can do is be prepared. It is fair to expect that your relationship with your young teen will change, and it will be helpful to consider in advance how your role as a parent also changes as you help your teen prepare for adulthood. Let’s have a closer look at three of the major ways in which your parenting will change during your teen’s middle school years: family dynamics, communication, and your changing role as a parent.